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Make a small commitment not to check time every 5 mins
Constantly checking how much time is left to fly keeps your nervous system on alert. Make a small commitment to yourself not to check it - this will make a big difference.
Don’t watch the flight attendants’ faces
Don’t try to read the flight attendants’ faces to make sure everything is okay. Direct your gaze over the horizon and leave it there for a while. Even if a flight attendant isn’t smiling - she may just be in a bad mood!
Self-compassion is everything
Even if you are super scared, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend in the same situation. Be your main support: say kind words, hug yourself, speak with a gentle voice. Change criticism to empathy.
Don’t try to stop thinking about the flight
Thoughts are beyond our control. We cannot force ourselves not to think about something. What if you just let these thoughts be there without fighting them? This will make a big difference.
Movement is important
Instead of sitting frozen, stand up and walk a bit during your flight. Even small movements help a lot.
Have a small snack during the flight
Have a small snack, even if you’re not really hungry. Eating something (even a tiny bite) activates digestion and tells your nervous system: "I'm safe, I’m okay".
Don’t grip the armrests
About 80% of the information our brain receives comes from the body. When you grip the armrests, your brain receives the signal "We’re falling" and responds by releasing cortisol and adrenaline. Instead of gripping, do the opposite: relax your hands and place them on your knees.
My husband is a flight attendant and I'm terrified every day
This might be a different perspective but here goes. My husband has been a flight attendant for 9 years. When we met I had no issue with flying. But about 4 years ago, after our daughter was born, something shifted. Now every time he goes to work, I'm sick with worry. I track his flights obsessively. I can't sleep until he texts me that he's landed. If there's any news about aviation incidents anywhere in the world, I spiral. It's gotten so bad that I've asked him to change careers. He loves his job. He's hurt that I'm asking him to give it up. But I can't explain to him what it feels like to put your baby to sleep knowing her dad is at 40000 feet and there's nothing you can do. The worst part is I used to fly too. Now I can't even go to the airport to pick him up without anxiety. How did I become this person?
I drink to fly and I know it's not healthy
I'll be honest here because I think other people probably do this too and nobody talks about it. Every time I fly, I get absolutely hammered at the airport bar. I'm talking 4-5 drinks before boarding. Then I order more on the plane. It's the only way I can get through it. My wife hates it. Last time I was so drunk I could barely walk off the plane. The kids were embarrassed. I was embarrassed. But the alternative is not flying at all, and I refuse to let this fear win. Problem is, the drinking is becoming a thing in itself now. I find myself ordering a drink at the airport even before I remember I'm flying somewhere. Like my body automatically associates airports with alcohol. I know this isn't a solution. But what is? I've tried just sitting there sober and the anxiety is absolutely unbearable. My whole body shakes. I feel like I'm going to die. The booze is the only thing that takes the edge off. Please tell me I'm not the only one doing this.
My therapist says my fear of flying is really about control
Had a breakthrough in therapy yesterday and wanted to share. I've been in CBT for my flying phobia for about 2 months now. Yesterday my therapist pointed out something I'd never considered. She said my fear of flying isn't really about crashing. It's about not being in control. And when I thought about it, she's right. I'm the same way in cars if someone else is driving. I'm anxious on rollercoasters. I even get uncomfortable in elevators. Anything where I'm not the one in charge of whether I'm safe. The plane is just the most extreme version of this. She said we need to work on my relationship with uncertainty and control, not just the flying itself. Has anyone else realized their fear of flying was connected to a bigger pattern in their life? I feel like this changes everything but I'm also a bit overwhelmed by it.
The landing gear sound almost made me pass out
Just got back from a flight LAX to SFO. The takeoff was fine, I was doing my breathing, everything manageable. Then we started to land. And there was this ENORMOUS bang and grinding noise underneath the plane. I genuinely thought the plane was breaking apart. I grabbed the stranger next to me. Started hyperventilating. Tears streaming down my face. The poor man next to me looked terrified - not of the plane, of me. Turns out it was just the landing gear coming down. Completely normal. But nobody tells you about these sounds beforehand! Why doesn't someone hand you a pamphlet that says hey, about 10 minutes before landing you'll hear what sounds like an explosion - that's normal? I felt so embarrassed afterward. The guy was nice about it but I could tell he thought I was crazy. I just wish someone had warned me.
Breathing exercises actually helped me fly last week
OK so I want to share something positive for once. I've been afraid of flying for 12 years. Completely avoided it. Drove everywhere. Took ferries. Missed my best friend's wedding in Hawaii because of it. Last month I started doing this breathing thing where you breathe in for 4 counts and out for 6. Did it every day for three weeks. Not even thinking about flying while doing it, just practicing the technique. Then last Tuesday I flew from Manchester to Edinburgh for work. 50 minutes. And here's the thing - I was scared. Really scared. But I did the breathing the whole time and something was different. The fear was there but it didn't escalate into panic. It stayed at like a 6 out of 10 instead of going to 11. I'm not cured or anything. But for the first time in over a decade I got through a flight without completely falling apart. Just wanted to put that out there for anyone who thinks nothing will ever work.
Does anyone else get the fear WEEKS before the flight?
My sister's wedding is in Goa in March. I bought the ticket from Mumbai in September. It's only a 1 hour flight. One hour! And I have been thinking about it every single day since September. I can't concentrate at work. I'm having trouble sleeping. I've had two separate crying episodes just looking at the booking confirmation. My husband doesn't understand. He keeps saying it's only an hour, you'll be fine. But it's not about the duration. It's about being up there. In that metal tube. With no way out. The anticipation is killing me more than the actual flight ever could. I almost feel like if someone could just teleport me onto the plane mid-flight I'd be okay. It's the buildup, the waiting, the knowing it's coming. Anyone else relate to this?
Retired pilot here - yes the fear is real even for us
I flew commercial aircraft for 30 years. Boeing 737s mostly, then moved to the 777 for my last decade. I logged over 22000 flight hours. Never had a serious incident. Knew every system on those airplanes inside and out. And now that I'm retired and have to sit in the back? I'm anxious. Not full blown panic but definitely uncomfortable. It happened gradually. The first time I flew as a passenger after retirement, I noticed my palms were sweating during takeoff. I thought it was a one-time thing. But it's gotten worse. I think it's about control. For 30 years I was the one making decisions. Now I'm trusting someone else with my life and I can't even see what they're doing up there. The irony is not lost on me. I know more about aviation safety than 99% of passengers and I still feel this way. Just goes to show this really isn't about logic.
Pregnant and terrified of flying to my baby shower
I'm 7 months pregnant and my mom has organized a baby shower for me back home in Denver. I live in New York. I haven't told her yet that I'm probably not going to come because the thought of flying makes me physically ill. It's not just the normal pregnancy nausea - it's pure terror. What if something happens to the baby? What if the pressure changes cause a problem? What if I go into early labor at 35000 feet? My OB says flying is perfectly safe at my stage but my brain doesn't care what she says. I feel so guilty. My mom has been planning this for months. But I literally cannot imagine getting on that plane. Does anyone have experience flying while pregnant? How did you cope with the extra layer of worry?
Business traveler who suddenly can't fly anymore
I'm a 42 year old sales rep and I fly at least twice a month. Or I used to. Six months ago something snapped. I was on a completely normal flight to Chicago, nothing unusual at all, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. Thought I was having a heart attack. Went to the ER when I landed - nothing wrong with my heart. Doctor said it was a panic attack. Since then I've been making excuses to avoid flights. Taking trains. Driving 8 hours when I could fly in 2. My boss is starting to notice. I'm terrified of losing my job but I'm more terrified of getting on a plane. This is destroying my career and I don't know what to do. Anyone dealt with this? How do you explain it to your employer?
My hands won't stop shaking before flights
I have a flight to Barcelona next month and I'm already losing sleep over it. It's not even the turbulence that gets me - it's the moment they close that door. Once I hear that click, my whole body goes into panic mode. My hands shake, my heart races, and I feel like I can't breathe. I've been like this for about 3 years now, ever since a really bad flight from JFK to London where we dropped suddenly during dinner service. I used to be totally fine with flying. Flew all the time for work. Now I can barely book a ticket without feeling sick. Has anyone else had their fear start from one specific flight? I keep telling myself it's irrational but my body just doesn't listen.
flight to turkey
i think i will go crazy cause my fear is too strong
Eat something - it helps a lot
Even if you do not feel like eating when scared, do it nevertheless. eating helps your brain to get safety signal from your gut. it makes a huge difference, try it!
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