Many people with flight anxiety tell me the same thing: “I try not to think about the flight. But the more I try, the worse it gets.”
And that is true. The attempt to “not think about it” actually increases anxiety.
Let me share an important study. In 2017, researchers at Harvard conducted an experiment that clearly shows how anxiety works.
Participants were asked to focus on a thought that triggered strong anxiety. Then they were asked to respond to that thought in one of three ways:
1/ Worrying. Repeating the thought over and over again, imagining worst-case scenarios, trying to predict risks.
2/ Suppression. Trying to pull themselves together, suppress all emotions and distract themselves.
3/ Acceptance. Simply noticing the emotion and allowing it to be there without changing it: “Yes, I feel scared. This is okay. I can feel this.”
Here is what the MRI scans showed:
Worrying activated the brain’s fear center, the amygdala. When participants kept replaying the thought, their bodies reacted as if the danger was actually happening in the present moment. At the same time, their ability to think clearly decreased, since we cannot simultaneously experience strong emotions and think logically.
Suppression gave participants a sense of “relief”. They felt as if their anxiety had decreased. However, in the body, tension and internal discomfort actually increased. They were telling themselves “I’m fine,” while their bodies continued signaling distress. This creates a strong internal conflict, which over time intensifies anxiety.
Acceptance showed the best results. Participants who used this strategy had the lowest levels of anxiety. There was increased activity in brain regions related to interoception, the ability to observe internal states. You can think of it as an internal monitoring system that allows you to stay aware of your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. The anxiety was still present, but it did not take over completely.
Why this matters if you have a fear of flying
Over 18 years of working with anxious flyers, I see the same patterns again and again.
Most people use the first two strategies:
“Before the flight, I read everything about the airline, study the aircraft model, and check the weather every hour.”
“I try not to think about the flight as long as I can. Before boarding, I take something to calm down.”
Both approaches are understandable. At the same time, in the long run, they tend to reinforce anxiety.
A different relationship with fear develops through acceptance. When you stop avoiding and suppressing feelings, the brain learns a new pattern: “I felt anxiety, but I stayed with it. And nothing bad happened.” This is how new neural pathways are formed, and over time the intensity of anxiety decreases.
Key takeaway
If you are afraid of flying, don’t try to get rid of your fear.
Change happens when you notice the anxiety, allow it to be there, and at the same time continue to act in line with your values.
